It’s been over two months since I loaded up my canteen and my camera and headed through the front door and out into the world on my own two feet. Countless problems have come up ever since. Appointments, stuff Cliff and I had to go do like grocery shopping, a collection of very important phone calls, filling out of forms to mail, etc., all pretty much related to Max’s care in some way. This morning is the first one in a while that I don’t have about a million things I need to do. I do have some chores to do, and I do have some cleaning to do and I want to take my nap early since it’s a half day of school today, and I need to get ready to meet Max’s possible new PA this afternoon at 2pm, but really, other than all of that, between the hours of now (7:15am) and about 9am I really have very little I have to do. So I got out of bed with the intention of getting both boys out of the door and on their school buses and then heading out quickly before sunrise to catch some great photos on the waterway. Instead, I hesitated. No one else is up yet. Marjorie SHOULD be up, her alarm has already gone off twice as she’s due at work at 8am, but she’s waiting until the last possible minute to get up apparently. (Like mother, like daughter. :oops: ) Cliff went to bed at 8:45pm last night so I thought for sure he would be up and out here on his computer playing poker or something, but he’s still sawing logs. So, here I sit and the day comes brighter and brighter through the slats in the blinds. I’m hesistant, I can’t really put my finger on why. If Marjorie wasn’t working I’d get her up and get her to go with me. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case and every time I’ve asked Cliff lately he hasn’t wanted to go. I guess I’m waitng to ask him. Plus there’s construction guys all over the place working on the roads and the bridge and the sewer system and I am a big fat ugly lady. i think part of my procrastination is related to that too. Better to wait until they are done than feel like the ugliest person in the world out there dodging construction workers. The sidewalk is a mess. The roads are a mess. The only nice, uninterrupted walk is the extremely short one to the waterway, the new bridge and back. Hardly worth putting my shoes on for that one. I don’t really know quite what to think really…. I guess i’ll ask Cliff if he wants to go when he gets up.
I also have money buring a hole in my pocket and I’d love to go shopping, but I’m waiting because Dad is sending me some too and I want to see if I can get a chair with it all. If not then I’m going to order a replacement part for this chair and those last three decorating books I’m missing from my set. This is of course all not going to happen if we end up needing the money for groceries. 
And there’s another thing bothering me today too. Max was on the couch this morning. In other words, at some point during the night he got out of bed, grabbed his big blanket and went and slept on the couch.  I have no idea why. Then when I got him up to get ready for school he started attacking me. Hitting, scratching, crying. I don’t really know what all of that was about. I guess he either had a bad dream or woke up confused or something, I don’t know, but he squeezed my face and punched my knee and kicked me a few times too. I got up after I finally got him dressed and sat as far away from him as I could. He got up and sat right next to me, and after a few minutes gave me a sweet and gentle hug. Did he realize he did wrong? I doubt it. I think he was just upset because I wasn’t sitting with him at that point. He changed his tactics from cruel to kind. I had a brief but stern talk with him too. By the time the bus came all was well again, but geez, not a fun way to start the morning, you know?