Archive for the ‘Me and MMORPGs’ Category

wow

Monday, January 11th, 2010

The longest I’ve gone without making an entry….  Skipped Christmas even.

Reality is I never really felt much like Christmas this past year.  Everything is falling apart at home.  Max is out of control, destroying everything.  I am so tired.  All I want to do is play my game and be with my friends.

There is more to say on the home front, but as its 4:30am and I haven’t been to bed yet it’ll have to wait for another day.  I have to get up in an hour and 45 minutes.

Just one quick line or two….  I am not dead.  I am not hiding.  I am playing Perfect World and having the most fun and the best time I’ve had in years.  But of course it’s between dodging things getting thrown at the back of my head, dealing with phone calls from people on Max’s care, doing paperwork, chores, changing diapers, paying bills, etc.  Basically the usual crap.  My main character is now level 76 and she will level in morning sometime to 77.  I have so many really good and dear friends on there…  People who are just the greatest.  My very best friend of all on there is Lone, but Mew and King are next closest to me, and honestly, more are becoming closer.  I think the world of my faction leader Zem, and my favorite cleric Rez, who is about to join the ranks of best friends.  These people make my days worth getting up every morning for even though they suck very badly most of the time.  I fit in, pretty much, and that’s pretty darned cool at my age.  Anyway, more later.  Gotta get to bed.

Goodnight real world.

0

Snow is level 51 as of today

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

And I am so loving playing her.  Tonight we did about four major bosses and two not quite as major bosses.  I am second highest level in the faction and man it is a blast being able to help everyone else.  I am soooooo loving it.

I started a second character just to have someone easier to level for off days.  I resurrected Eyss Mune for that job and shes level 18 at present.  I bought her a rare pet with Snow so I could try leveling up a rare.  (It’s a frogling.)   Its been really fun and my faction mates have all been leveling up secondary characters too.  They are all such great people…. I am enjoying spending time with them more than anything else I’ve done in probably years.

In other news, not so fun, Max attacked me yesterday and punched my chest so hard my left side hurt the rest of the night. It was awful.  He was also terrible at his physical therapist Monday and spitting on the bus this afternoon….  I honestly don’t know how much longer we can deal with this.  His case manager is looking into finding us some help now that Maxim has quit.  (They say they aren’t trained to handle violent cases.)  I’m not sure what the outcome of all of that will be and honestly right now I’m just trying to make it day to day…

Our dishwasher is giving us trouble, as if all that other stuff wasn’t bad enough.  So this evening, I hand washed all the dishes.  It was a pain in the butt but the dishes are cleaner than they’ve been in a long time.  We have to get the drain cleaned or something and I think Cliff is going to call one of his co-workers’ dads who’s a plumber to give us an estimate, or at the very least explain how to fix it.  That should be fun.  :P

By the way, Nathan’s birthday came and I sent him an ecard and an email!!!!  I hope he got them!!!!  I know he’s really busy these days.

I’ve got screenshots and stuff but I’ll post all that later….  Gotta go to bed for now….  ‘Night world.

0

Yes, it IS all about depression….

Thursday, October 22nd, 2009

…..every thing in my life pretty much, except for a certain virtual world.  I have had so much fun in there giving things to the people I like and for now really enjoying their company.  I wish I could do more.  It has really been fun.  But the money has run out now…  I bought clothes for three people and a pet for one person and gave materials and needed things to others.  And one gets Caenis as a girlfriend, at least for a little while each day.  (And he treats her special as a girlfriend too.  :)  )  And I get to kill stuff and watch sun rises and stand in the rain and fly and all kinds of cool impossible things….  I wish it was real.  So badly.  But the friends are real and I feel so at home with these people.  They make me smile and laugh every day.  :)

Well, anyway, I need to get to bed.  I just don’t want to dwell on the bad stuff before I lay down my head. I’d like to concentrate on the good.  Right now the best of the good comes from that game…  :)  My sad and lonely and depressed self loves the lighthearted happiness that comes from those folks in there…  And one in particular brightens my day every time I see him, green hair and all.  :D

Goodnight…  :)

0

Just for the record,

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

I hate my life.

A kid on Max’s bus leaned over and spoke to me this morning telling me Max spits on all of them everyday.  So what do I say to that?  “Try living here and getting kicked and punched and squeezed by him everyday”?

I know the old seizure meds have yet to leave his system, and maybe that’s all this is, but therapy went horribly and the ride home from therapy, worse.

The only good things right now?  The woman I talk to on my game who has an autistic son says she considers me her best friend.  :D  That’s pretty cool.  My character also has a young man in love with her (just in the game – he’s seriously just a teen but he knows I’m an old lady with an husband and kids and he says we’re just role playing characters) so I do get virtual hugs when I need them and that’s nice.

In real life though, I have yet to spend the Amazon $$$ from Nathan because I can’t decide what item I want/need more.  I’ll figure it out.  The rest of the money I put on my game.  I’m sorry, but right now, the game is what keeps me going.  Real life is just too damned depressing.  I know it’s a phase and that eventually I’ll get tired of it and quit, but right now I really need this break from reality.

0

wow

Friday, October 16th, 2009

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything… A whole week!  Unusual for me.  I’m finding myself wanting to spend every waking moment in Perfect World with my friends.  Ha, yes, I have friends.  Shocking isn’t it?  I enjoy being in there and playing with them more than any of them will ever know.  :)

In real world news, Max attacked his teacher the other day, we’ve started him on his new seizure meds, he grabbed his new worker’s steering wheel as they were crossing the bridge to come back home and now the guy is scared to drive him anywhere, the list goes on from there.  Pick a problem.  His teacher called me while the worker was here yesterday and I have to say it took everything in me not to cry.  She said so many nice things and gave me such praise… Everyone seems to think this is so heroic and brave to do this, raising this child, but really I feel I have no choice.  I feel very trapped and more often than not, very alone.  It is heart breaking to see him destroy everything that we own and hurt us.  She said I deserved a break and someone should send me on a cruise or something.  The reality is, I want to escape inside myself.  I’d rather be living in my fantasy world than the real one and that’s why I play the game so much every day.  She’s talking about signing him up for summer camp, but I am so afraid of that… It’s so much easier to hide in my little imaginary world than it is to do things I have such little real interest in doing like cruises and such.  Anyway, I don’t want to get worked up over all of that so close to my last remaining chance to get peaceful rest until Monday.  But I have to admit, I’m struggling hard with the need and desire to jump back into the game.

Speaking of the game and real life, try as I might, I can’t seem to keep the two completely separate.  One of my game friends now knows my online nickname and my band name and my website, purely by accident.  Oh well…  I did ask him to keep it between us.  I really don’t want that world crossing over into this one.   I want to go there in the game world to enjoy myself and be happy and have fun.  This real world is a constant chore and so damned sad most of the time.  I do talk to one of the group privately about some real life stuff, because she also deals with much of the same stuff as I do, but even with her I try not to talk about it too much.  I really want this game to be my other, freer, life.  An escape.

Anyway, I gotta go get my nap…. Time is rapidly running out.

0

Well, while I am really super freaked out about tomorrow,

Monday, October 5th, 2009

with the MRI actually happening and all, I am also really over excited and flustered at what happened on my video game today, so, I’m kind of wound up.  :P

All my screenshots are on the lappy though so I’ll have to wait to post them, but damn, Caenis Snow had an absolute blast this morning doing some things I have never done before in that game.  And they called her “Snow” which for personal reasons of where the name originated, tickled me pink.  :D

This is the greatest guild in the world.  I’m swearing by this.  :D

Anyway, I felt like a dunce most of the way through because it was all happening so fast, but in the end everyone was so nice and amazing to me that I’m just glowing at the moment.  :D

Unfortunately, duty has reared it’s ugly head and I must face not only evening chores and cooking dinner but also the reality of the MRI and what we are facing tomorrow.  I’ll get a short while to play tonight and then we’re off to adventure and fear in the morning.  Wish us luck.  :(

0

/load_reallife

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

Okay, so I am waiting for the bus on this fine – wait *checks calendar* – Tuesday, yeah.

Things have changed a bit for bpgisme.  I am now known primarily as Queak which is pretty funny really as I found that name by accident and thought it would be a funny name for a fairy with a squeaky, high pitched voice.  I play EQ2 for a good three to five or so hours a day.  Not a bad thing really, since my life is so dull and boring and trapped around the schedule of an autistic 11 year old, but still it is rather alot.  But for some perspective, I used to spend this same amount of time making crappy music or digital art or writing bad fiction, so it doesn’t really make a huge difference.  This is just another thing to do for fun between changing poo diapers and spending time with family.

I have also learned some of the dreaded computer speak which I hate so much because typing “congratulations” every time a guild member goes up a level is far too difficult when fighting five orcs with blue text over their heads.  But, I promise to keep computer speak in the game and not elsewhere.  I hate computer speak.  So there.  :P

Oh heck…. I hear the bus!

0

NEWSFLASH: Okay, I am now addicted to EQ2.

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009

I know, I said I never would be, but heck, it’s not that bad an addiction and thanks to Max and real life stuff I don’t have the time to let it take over my life.  Queak has joined a guild and they really seem like a very nice group of people, super helpful, very generous and very interested in hearing about Max for a short while the other day too.  They also don’t mind my playing style which is fabulous!  I am solo by nature and very self sufficient, so I’m really funny about using guild supplies and such when I have so much of my own and love to harvest more.  They taught me more about tradeskills and based on what they said I changed from tailor, which I hated, to sage which is really easy and useful for me.  I’ve discovered the best way to make money in game for me via the broker too so I’m pretty loaded with cash most of the time and that’s been nice.  Oh and I forgot to say, I bought my white pony, Mystie!  I also moved away from the boring town Queak grew up in, (Kelethin), and into the big city of Qeynos in a nice two bedroom apartment.  I considered a townhouse but there were only two windows and I love all the windows in the apartment.  The townhouse does have a courtyard though, so I may reconsider eventually, but right now I like my current home best.  Every evening Queak goes home from adventuring or tradeskill working, picks up whatever cash the broker has waiting for her and sets aside a percentage of the day’s take to spend on her household items.  Last night she bought a potted street lamp and a damask couch.  I love having a home to decorate!  It is so much fun!

In other and much more important news, I had to take care of an entire list of problems with some appointments coming up for Max today and even though I put them off for nearly a week they were all handled and over with in a matter of less than a half hour.  And everyone was so nice and helpful too.  Basically, the hospital that did the Head CT scan needed to send me a copy of the film they took for us to take to the neurologist in Chapel Hill.  I had to call the neurologist because they are planning to do the EEG there on June 12th and Max’s doctor was freaking out about it.  She was so worried because they aren’t going to do sleep deprivation or sedation or anything but what the neurologist’s office told me was they are extremely familiar with autisitic and other mentally disabled kids and have a way of handling these scans with as little drama as possible for the child.  She said they will try it the regular way first and then schedule a sedation version if they can’t get what they need the first time, but she was pretty confident so I’m pretty confident.  It should be okay.  They see kids even worse than Max and manage to handle them okay.  She said they really can’t prescribe any other way to do the EEG until after they see how he is the on the first try.  So i am happy with that.  In either case we get to to talk to the neurologist and he/she will be able to tell us more about Max and his seizures and what we can expect in the future and how to deal with them the best way now.  Hopefully everything will turn out just fine.

Well, it’s time to get ready for the bus.  I didn’t get to play much EQ2 today…  I was so tired I slept most of the day.  Oh well….  It’s the premenopause thing.  It makes me so tired sometimes.   :(

PS!  I added a new category to my blog just now, and I know you see it coming…  Everquest 2.  Yep…  Later I’ll go back and add all my EQ2 entries to that category.  Yay!  I also need to update my photo there at the top of this page…  Queak has orange hair and wings now to match her guild cloak!  :D  Yay!

0

Not going to write long because I have to do a mission in EQ2, but…

Tuesday, May 12th, 2009

Holy cow, the new Star Trek movie was AMAZING!!!!!  I am so blown away!  I want to talk about it like crazy, but it’s still new and there’s too many spoilers so I’ll wait a week or so.  Oh man, it was so great!!!!

In other news, I’m still looking for a good Sci-Fi MMORPG but I haven’t found one I like yet.  I’m thinking I may try that Station.com subscription eventually and give Star Wars Galaxies a go.  I understand you can be a smuggler and pilot your own ship.  If that’s the case then I would resurrect my own fangirl comic character “Venus Starlighter” and give her a ship called “Stinglight” (since “Firefly” is taken).  ;)

Venus Starlighter was my own silly character made up when I was a little kid.  I drew her and her crew in fan comics in the Star Wars universe and she had a ship called “Fighter 1″. (Oooh, original! Yuck!)  She had a love/hate thing going on with Boba Fett and you know, I was a teenage girl so you can imagine how silly it was.  Still, I worked on it tirelessly for several years.  Her best friend was a guy called Captain Meris.  Weird the strange stuff you never forget…  Anyway, I thought it would be fun to relive that character.  I don’t know that I’ll like the game though… I’ll have to try it first.  I mean, I’m not a big Star Wars person…  I only truly loved the first two movies and the first half of the third one and pretty much hated the rest of them.  I’m much more of a Trek person, though I’m afraid my game playing style wouldn’t work well in the Star Trek universe.  I’m more of a rogue and a soloist.  Not much of a team player….  And I can’t imagine playing a Trek game without having to be part of a crew.  I’ll still give the Trek MMO a chance though, if it ever gets made.

The Sci-Fi MMO I really wanted to play may never ever get made, however….  The Firefly/Serenity MMO.  It’s been promised for a number of years by a place called Multiverse, but nothing is happening on it and it’s getting pushed farther and farther on the back burner….  I hate that because of all the MMO’s I have tried or considered trying that one I would not hesitate to sign up and stick with forever.  Anything to get back that Firefly universe….  Venus Starlighter and “Stinglight” would fit right in there too….  *sigh*  Maybe someday….  :cry:

(Incidentally, I refuse to play any of Multiverse’s game offerings until they decide to follow up on their promises.  They apparently make a habit of promising fans of various things their own MMOs and not coming through.  It’s not enough to SAY you’re developing a game.  We need to SEE something of it before we will trust you folks again, Multiverse.)

0

If I had to pick a house I had already been inside of to live in the rest of my life….

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

It would be my Aunt Judy’s old house in Bayshore in WIlmington.  I still think about that house almost every day.  The only thing it didn’t have that I really want is a screen porch but look what I found while eating a bit of lunch today:

Network Real Estate listing

That’s basically the exact same house but with fewer trees and a garage instead of a play room and it has a big screened in gazebo.  Unfortunately the price choked my lunch so oh well, but I would move in a place like that in a second.  It has the separate kitchen, separate dining, a den, a playroom (potentially in this case), a fireplace, a big yard, a separate livingroom, a front porch, even a foyer…  Plus this one has hardwood floors.  Three bedrooms and 2 and half baths too….  *sigh*  Some day….

Got a call from Southeastern today.  They did a CAP re-prioritization check list again, just like they did last year.  They upped his needs due to the seizures.  The guy said we would pretty much need around the clock care.  I can’t imagine that much help.  Gosh, I’m gonna really need to get this house clean.  I wish we had a usable storage building….  In the end though, it’s all empty promises until the day it actually comes through.  Until then I’m going to try not to get my hopes up.

Max’s new worker is just great!  We want CAP to come on so she can become full time!

Well, I haven’t been able to play EQ2 all afternoon, so I’m going to jump in there for a bit and see if I sold any butterflies.  I really want to buy a horse, darn it.

0