Max has done exactly as predicted and thoroughly gone backwards.  I can’t get him to use the potty without a fight, he’s taking five baths a day, he refuses to sleep in his own room at night (he’s sleeping on the living room couch), and he’s eating everything he can find in the house.  He’s also become increasingly violent and destructive.  Ah….  The joys of summer vacation.  :shock:

I had to leave EQ2 just now because Max came barrelling at me from behind with a sippy cup and slammed it and himself (all 160lbs of him) into me so I would get him some juice, instead of asking via sign language as he has been taught how to do.  He would rather bully and be violent than simply ask.  Of course, I refused to get him the cup of juice until he asks politely which meant he laughed at me and ran back to his computer and the cup is still sitting here.  In other words, he doesn’t really want the juice.  He just wanted to bully me. This is gonna stop this summer.  I already forced him to sit on the potty several times today when he asked for more food.  He eats way to excess and really pretty much everything he sees, so after the third portion I said NO until he used the potty.  This of course, launched him into a tirade and more violence, but he did finally go use the potty (and flush and wash his hands too) in order to get what he wanted.  So, DING DING DING DING!  One round goes to MOM!

In other news, Marjorie’s boyfriend Alex graduated from high school today!  YAY, ALEX!!!  He and Marjorie were on their way here and then he was going to take her to a special dinner for just the two of them when Marjorie’s Dad called on her cellphone, telling her he was in town and wanted to see her and Ian tonight.  Ian was out on a date of his own with his new girlfriend at the beach.  So they all had to get together and quickly decide what they were going to do.  In the end it ended up being this big adventure/mess where they had to wait for Ian to get home, then take both cars and leave Marjorie’s at Alex’s house, then Alex was driving both her and Ian to visit their dad in Wilmington and then Ian was going to hang out with his dad for a while while Alex and Marjorie did something else and then they are all supposedly going to see a movie.  We’ll see.  Their dad also claimed he’s going to pay for it all as well as give the kids their Christmas money since he wasn’t here at the time, so that should be interesting.  Alex is not happy, and neither am I.  Marjorie is kind of upset, but what can you do?  Ian is stressed to the hilt for some reason.  I really don’t think he likes his dad very much and is extremely worried by him, because his own “wanting to please” reflex makes him try too hard to make his dad like him.  I’ll be glad when they’re all home safe and sound.  Ian and I have a very good strong relationship and he really doesn’t know his dad at all.  He doesn’t remember much about living with him.  Cliff is really the dad he knows best.  And he and Marjorie both have learned alot of their own style from Cliff, their interests stemming sometimes from things they saw Cliff do growing up…  I know this because it’s sometimes stuff I don’t care about at all and they all really talk about it and everything.  And I think that’s really good.

Alex brought up an interesting point for the future though….  Who is going to give Marjorie away at her wedding someday?  I think I know who it will be. 

Ian’s graduation is going to be touchy next year too.  Only a few tickets…  Their dad told me he wants one, but I’m gonna be honest.  Ian gets the final say who gets to go, and frankly, it might be his girlfriend who goes instead.  We’ll see….  Look at it this way.  No one told their dad to move away.  No one ever stopped him from seeing the kids.  No one ever said not to be involved with them.  I think I told him two times he couldn’t see them due to us having other things already planned in the 12-13 years since we’ve been divorced.  I let his family take Marjorie for birthday after birthday and Easters and Thanksgivings and Fourth of Julys and everything.  We got Halloween and the important half of Christmas vacation.  Half of the time, he wasn’t even at those get togethers…. The kids saw the rest of his family and not him, so in truth he hasn’t been present for these kids.  He hasn’t even been well liked by these kids.  Particularly Ian who felt betrayed by him several times.  Ian, who wants so much to please everyone.  I think he was so stressed because he really doesn’t like his dad and he feels so guilty for it and frankly he shouldn’t.  He’s a very good kid and going to be a good man and he’s done nothing wrong by not really liking his real dad….  It’s okay.  I should talk with him about that when he gets back home tonight.  I could see the worry on him and so could Alex and Marjorie…  I think Alex will look out for him as much as he can though…  Hopefully everything will work out okay.

Life is like a “dramedy” movie, there’s not enough laughs versus crying and anger… 

Anyway, now that Max seems to have calmed down long enough for me to have a few short minutes of peace I may try to play EQ2 again.  Odds are though that he’s just waiting to hear the music turn on to start complaining and fussing again…  Ugh.  This is going to be such a long painful summer…. 

******************UPDATE*********************

Nevermind.  I must be wrong about Ian.  He’s spending the night over there tonight.  If he’s enjoying himself it’s fine, but I wish he wouldn’t tell me one thing and then go do the opposite.  It’s an extremely mixed message.  I don’t know if he was talked into staying, or if he talked them into having him stay, or if just circumstances accidental made it happen.  Whatever.  I hope he has fun.

:?

*sigh*

At least Marjorie will be home in just a little while…

I originally posted this entry on May 8th, 2009 and posted it as “private”.  I wanted to remember how I felt that night but I wasn’t brave enough to post it for the world to see.

I think now I am ready.

I LOVE my children.  ALL of my children.  Equally.  They are part of me.  They are all loved and we have a wonderful home environment for them.  It’s not a typical family, but it’s stable and solid and not going anywhere and we have a comfortable house and live in a decent neighborhood and they are safe and healthy.  Max is the only one disabled, but if the other two were the ones disabled I would treat them exactly as I treat Max.  He is my child, my baby, and I love him dearly.  And I love Marjorie and Ian who are both my babies just as deeply too.  We all love and care about and for each other deeply, regardless of the defaults of Max’s disability.  We are a strong bunch.

I like to think I am a strong woman.  But I am not made of stone and words do hurt me.

I have been called many things in my life, but “selfish” has never been one of them.  Particularly since we’ve been dealing with Max and autism.  And the fact that that very name came from the mouth of my father was a bit of a shock as well.  So here’s my take on my life and our family life and our strength in staying together as a solid unit.

We’ve lived in this very house for ten years.  (Which, incidentally, is the longest amount of time I have lived ANYWHERE.) We’ve been married for almost twelve years.  Marjorie graduated with high marks from high school and is going to college.  She (and her longtime boyfriend) has been to national competitions in education and come home with awards.  Ian struggled for a few years in high school but will most likely graduate next year also with pretty high marks and is very well liked by all of his teachers, the principal (the top principal in the state I might add) and the assistant principal and even the library staff, having done extra projects outside of his normal studies for them as requested.  Cliff has worked at the same job for many years now and is well liked by everyone who knows him.  We’ve had the same old car now for five years and we take money every spring and fix it up to make it last another year.  Every spring we get work done to the house, making improvements and doing maintenance to keep it going and keep us safe and comfortable.  We’re not made of money, we struggle, but there’s always food on the table, gas in the car and cable TV.  We owe only a few medical bills and NOTHING ELSE, just our home mortgage.  In other words, what I’m getting at here is, hey, we’re doing all right.  We aren’t perfect, but what family is?  We get by, we make do, and we try to be happy.  Max isn’t the only thing going on in our house.

Max IS a BIG part of what goes on, there are outbursts and problems and violence and some bad days, but for the most part, I think we’re a pretty happy family.  We ALL agree that Max should be home with us.  We ALL know it would be devastating to Max to be removed from us.  He whimpers if I step outside on the porch without him.  He hugs Marjorie like he hasn’t seen her in a month when she comes back from being gone all night.  He hangs out with Ian and watches him play video games.  He hugs everybody and loves all of us and waves goodbye and good night every night.  He even likes the cat, though they do get a bit jealous of each other at times.  For all the aggression and the bad stuff there’s a mountain of good stuff too…  Even the folks at SEC say his home environment is good and safe for him and institutionalization would not be necessary.

What about all of that makes ME selfish?

Do you know how many parents we’ve heard of who would give their child away for a disability like this?  How many would run because it’s too much work?  How many would try push their child off on the state or on relatives just to be able to NOT deal with it and NOT handle it and basically turn away from a human being they helped create just because he has a disability?  THOSE ARE THE SELFISH ONES, DAD.  I put my children before myself.  Always.

End of story.  No more to be said.
Now to play a while before I have to go to bed.