Comments (0)

By bpgisme, January 11, 2010 5:45 am

The longest I’ve gone without making an entry….  Skipped Christmas even.

Reality is I never really felt much like Christmas this past year.  Everything is falling apart at home.  Max is out of control, destroying everything.  I am so tired.  All I want to do is play my game and be with my friends.

There is more to say on the home front, but as its 4:30am and I haven’t been to bed yet it’ll have to wait for another day.  I have to get up in an hour and 45 minutes.

Just one quick line or two….  I am not dead.  I am not hiding.  I am playing Perfect World and having the most fun and the best time I’ve had in years.  But of course it’s between dodging things getting thrown at the back of my head, dealing with phone calls from people on Max’s care, doing paperwork, chores, changing diapers, paying bills, etc.  Basically the usual crap.  My main character is now level 76 and she will level in morning sometime to 77.  I have so many really good and dear friends on there…  People who are just the greatest.  My very best friend of all on there is Lone, but Mew and King are next closest to me, and honestly, more are becoming closer.  I think the world of my faction leader Zem, and my favorite cleric Rez, who is about to join the ranks of best friends.  These people make my days worth getting up every morning for even though they suck very badly most of the time.  I fit in, pretty much, and that’s pretty darned cool at my age.  Anyway, more later.  Gotta get to bed.

Goodnight real world.

Comments (0)

By bpgisme, December 17, 2009 8:41 am

but total mmorpg addiction keeping me from going insane.  more another day

Comments (0)

By bpgisme, October 28, 2009 1:30 am

And I am so loving playing her.  Tonight we did about four major bosses and two not quite as major bosses.  I am second highest level in the faction and man it is a blast being able to help everyone else.  I am soooooo loving it.

I started a second character just to have someone easier to level for off days.  I resurrected Eyss Mune for that job and shes level 18 at present.  I bought her a rare pet with Snow so I could try leveling up a rare.  (It’s a frogling.)   Its been really fun and my faction mates have all been leveling up secondary characters too.  They are all such great people…. I am enjoying spending time with them more than anything else I’ve done in probably years.

In other news, not so fun, Max attacked me yesterday and punched my chest so hard my left side hurt the rest of the night. It was awful.  He was also terrible at his physical therapist Monday and spitting on the bus this afternoon….  I honestly don’t know how much longer we can deal with this.  His case manager is looking into finding us some help now that Maxim has quit.  (They say they aren’t trained to handle violent cases.)  I’m not sure what the outcome of all of that will be and honestly right now I’m just trying to make it day to day…

Our dishwasher is giving us trouble, as if all that other stuff wasn’t bad enough.  So this evening, I hand washed all the dishes.  It was a pain in the butt but the dishes are cleaner than they’ve been in a long time.  We have to get the drain cleaned or something and I think Cliff is going to call one of his co-workers’ dads who’s a plumber to give us an estimate, or at the very least explain how to fix it.  That should be fun. 

By the way, Nathan’s birthday came and I sent him an ecard and an email!!!!  I hope he got them!!!!  I know he’s really busy these days.

I’ve got screenshots and stuff but I’ll post all that later….  Gotta go to bed for now….  ‘Night world.

Comments (0)

By bpgisme, October 22, 2009 2:41 am

…..every thing in my life pretty much, except for a certain virtual world.  I have had so much fun in there giving things to the people I like and for now really enjoying their company.  I wish I could do more.  It has really been fun.  But the money has run out now…  I bought clothes for three people and a pet for one person and gave materials and needed things to others.  And one gets Caenis as a girlfriend, at least for a little while each day.  (And he treats her special as a girlfriend too.  :)  )  And I get to kill stuff and watch sun rises and stand in the rain and fly and all kinds of cool impossible things….  I wish it was real.  So badly.  But the friends are real and I feel so at home with these people.  They make me smile and laugh every day. 

Well, anyway, I need to get to bed.  I just don’t want to dwell on the bad stuff before I lay down my head. I’d like to concentrate on the good.  Right now the best of the good comes from that game…  :)  My sad and lonely and depressed self loves the lighthearted happiness that comes from those folks in there…  And one in particular brightens my day every time I see him, green hair and all. 

Goodnight… 

Comments (0)

By bpgisme, October 21, 2009 6:00 pm

Another one down?

Yeah, Max’s worker is a no show this afternoon.  Not really surprisingly, Max is 100 times easier to manage today.  So of course I’ve got this song going through my head:

Comments (0)

By bpgisme, October 20, 2009 7:15 am

I hate my life.

A kid on Max’s bus leaned over and spoke to me this morning telling me Max spits on all of them everyday.  So what do I say to that?  “Try living here and getting kicked and punched and squeezed by him everyday”?

I know the old seizure meds have yet to leave his system, and maybe that’s all this is, but therapy went horribly and the ride home from therapy, worse.

The only good things right now?  The woman I talk to on my game who has an autistic son says she considers me her best friend.  :D  That’s pretty cool.  My character also has a young man in love with her (just in the game – he’s seriously just a teen but he knows I’m an old lady with an husband and kids and he says we’re just role playing characters) so I do get virtual hugs when I need them and that’s nice.

In real life though, I have yet to spend the Amazon $$$ from Nathan because I can’t decide what item I want/need more.  I’ll figure it out.  The rest of the money I put on my game.  I’m sorry, but right now, the game is what keeps me going.  Real life is just too damned depressing.  I know it’s a phase and that eventually I’ll get tired of it and quit, but right now I really need this break from reality.

Comments (0)

By bpgisme, October 16, 2009 1:53 pm

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything… A whole week!  Unusual for me.  I’m finding myself wanting to spend every waking moment in Perfect World with my friends.  Ha, yes, I have friends.  Shocking isn’t it?  I enjoy being in there and playing with them more than any of them will ever know. 

In real world news, Max attacked his teacher the other day, we’ve started him on his new seizure meds, he grabbed his new worker’s steering wheel as they were crossing the bridge to come back home and now the guy is scared to drive him anywhere, the list goes on from there.  Pick a problem.  His teacher called me while the worker was here yesterday and I have to say it took everything in me not to cry.  She said so many nice things and gave me such praise… Everyone seems to think this is so heroic and brave to do this, raising this child, but really I feel I have no choice.  I feel very trapped and more often than not, very alone.  It is heart breaking to see him destroy everything that we own and hurt us.  She said I deserved a break and someone should send me on a cruise or something.  The reality is, I want to escape inside myself.  I’d rather be living in my fantasy world than the real one and that’s why I play the game so much every day.  She’s talking about signing him up for summer camp, but I am so afraid of that… It’s so much easier to hide in my little imaginary world than it is to do things I have such little real interest in doing like cruises and such.  Anyway, I don’t want to get worked up over all of that so close to my last remaining chance to get peaceful rest until Monday.  But I have to admit, I’m struggling hard with the need and desire to jump back into the game.

Speaking of the game and real life, try as I might, I can’t seem to keep the two completely separate.  One of my game friends now knows my online nickname and my band name and my website, purely by accident.  Oh well…  I did ask him to keep it between us.  I really don’t want that world crossing over into this one.   I want to go there in the game world to enjoy myself and be happy and have fun.  This real world is a constant chore and so damned sad most of the time.  I do talk to one of the group privately about some real life stuff, because she also deals with much of the same stuff as I do, but even with her I try not to talk about it too much.  I really want this game to be my other, freer, life.  An escape.

Anyway, I gotta go get my nap…. Time is rapidly running out.

Comments (0)

By bpgisme, October 9, 2009 3:04 pm

Nothing’s wrong.  He’s got a perfect brain.  Ta-da!  Results from DNA and blood work aren’t back yet.  All in all everything went very well regarding the MRI day.   And, Max did well at the neurologist’s office this morning, though there was a very long wait and by the time we got done Max (and Cliff) was bouncing off the walls.  By the time we got home I had totally had enough.  Now I am worn out and my head hurts and I just really want to go into Perfect World and spend the rest of the day flying on my manta.  I think I might even switch to the laptop because typing on here is just too uncomfortable.  I am going to ask everyone to postpone the cake until tomorrow since Marjorie has to work until 8pm tonight…

PS- I forgot to mention, Happy Birthday to me.

Comments (0)

By bpgisme, October 5, 2009 6:22 pm

…it’s because Max threw a toy and hit me on the head.  It’s still hurting and it’s been about 30 minutes since it happened.  :(  He is so aggressive right now. 

“Neko Mimi Mode” is going through my head….